Someone recently asked “what 3 things matter most to you?”
Peace. Peace within myself seems a major priority. Yet I wasn’t feeling it. I have been dealing with some pretty stressful things and not feeling at peace. As I contemplated this, I realized that peace within me was possible, even among the madness which surrounds me. It’s separate in a way. The THINGS in life we endure may be consequences of our actions and choices and they may feel unbearable and impossible to assimilate within ourselves.
So how do we own our mistakes, our own shortcomings and acknowledge them in an authentic way of taking responsibility for them but still remain at peace?
I have had an onslaught of worldly secular man-created struggles lately. Impossibilities which I feel as if I must OVERCOME. However, as I process all of it, it dawned on me that this struggle was separate from my true self. My true essential being.
My true being is the self I am when I strip myself of all judgment. My true being is the one I am when sitting on a rock by a stream feeling nothing more than the breeze, rain, mist, heat of the sun, biting cold… experiencing the smells of the earth. Hearing the sounds of the earth. My true being is the one that is there connecting with nature. My true self is the self I am when I experience the uplifting feeling from the collection of crocuses blooming early spring. Or the nakedness in the cold snap of a bitter cold winter day. It’s not always warm and sunshine and pretty colors. But none of it ever judges me and I do not judge it. It is peace. It is existence.
My true self is also when I laugh or cry or get angry… when I feel.
I live in this society. I have no choice but to accept its guidelines and the way it works. I must abide by laws and consequences. I must own my faults, errors and secular consequences. However, I do not need to accept any judgment from others or myself that come with that. Because I, my true essential being, is really ok. It is intact and still there.
Things do happen TO us. We are sometimes victims. And I am a bit tired of all the modern pop talk of being positive. Only putting positive out there is not really being positive. That can actually be dangerous and denies people of reaching out for help; it denies the full experience of life. And can bring shame. It can lead people to ignore when they are actually being threatened… their well-being or the well-being of those they care for. To ignore that, is not to live in peace. It is to live in denial. If you are actually stalked, when your life is actually threatened, how do you remain at peace? When other people decide to invade your peace, how do you remain ok? I am still working on this...
I know there's peace deep in my soul. I know it to be true. I know I am nothing more than part of the nature of all things. All this other noise of life is man-made. But it is real. When others threaten you, how do you reconcile it all?
For now, I go sit on my rock. And just be. And breathe.